PERTURBED PRIMATE

“How do I get my teenage daughter to stop dating that obnoxious orangutan who is at least twice her age? Hmmmm.  Poison his bananas?  No, he might give one to her.  Push him off a cliff?  No, he might pull me with him.  Drown him? No, once again, he might pull me in….and I can’t swim. Tell her I graduated with him? Hmmmm. Maybe.  Tell her he secretly has a terminal illness and he is looking for someone to care for him, changing his Depends….Another possibility…. No matter what I do, I have to do it smartly so she thinks she is getting the better end of the deal.  If I tell her she can’t see him, she will run straight into his arms and I can’t have that.”

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