When I got diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in 2008, I was hospitalized four to five days for three months in a row. The hair started falling out. It was during the second hospital visit and I was in the bathroom awkwardly gazing at my bald head when I got a brainstorm….
I leaned out of the bathroom door and innocently called to my doting husband, “Hey, hon! Can you do me a favor?”
“Sure!” he replied eagerly.
“Do you think you can get me my comb so I can get my part straight?” I had him for about fifteen seconds when he suddenly stopped and thought about it, looking at me sheepishly to which I erupted into gales of laughter.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what inspired the following list. I thought up the first ten while sipping bleomycin lattes for four days and friends added the rest. So without further ado, here are the Fifteen Fun Things To Do When Chemo Renders You Bald.
1) Stick your head out the bathroom door and ask your spouse to get you your hairbrush or even a comb so you can get your part straight
2) Go outside on a sunny day and see if the reflection of the sun on your head will start a fire.
3) Get finger paint but instead of using your fingers, use your head.
4) Tell people your mother was abducted by aliens and you’re the result.
5) Go to the store and buy one dozen bottles of moisturizing shampoo.
6) Paint a beard on your chin and go up to someone on the street and ask, “Deal or No Deal?!”
7) Tell the store clerk in your local paint store you’d like to paint your trim in the bathroom the same shade as your head and ask him if he can help you match it.
8) Paint white dots on your head, walk into McDonalds and, at the top of your lungs, sing, “Two all beef patties, lettuce, sauce, melted cheese……”
9) Next time the carnival comes to town, ask for your own booth and charge $25 for people to rub your head and make a wish.
10) Paint a face on the back of your head to prove to your kids that you really do have eyes on the back of your head.
11) Spray on a tattoo of your favorite football player at a football game.
12) Walk into a salon and tell the receptionist you are there for your hair extension appointment. Then ask if there was anyone available to wax your (Non-existent) eyebrows.
13) When asked for ID use your big hair eighties driver’s license.
14) Using a black eyebrow pencil draw Charlie Brown’s face on the back of your head. Add a yellow t-shirt embellished with a black zigzag pattern, walk backwards and you’re set!
15) Sneak up behind your hubby while he’s brushing his teeth in front of the mirror and do your best Gollum impersonation, complete with snarl! Then, make HIM clean the toothpaste off the bathroom mirror!