It’s been a painful day as we processed the news from yesterday. It is a very scary place to be in. We told Nicole and Tyler I will be getting chemotherapy in January but we tried to keep it as straight and simple as possible. Tyler wanted to know if I was going to shed like the dog. I think it was an attempt at humor. They are handling it well so far as I know. The counselor called Nicole in to talk to her right away this morning. The counselor has been in contact with Tyler since an earlier incident in September before all this was known.
Yet the love and support from family and friends has been overflowing. You don’t think you matter so much until something like this happens and then suddenly everyone wants to be there for you and help in some way and that alone is enough to bring on the tears because the support is just so strong.
My one sister, Glenda, came over today bringing along another sofa to replace the one we have that was in horrible condition and extremely uncomfortable to lay on. It was an extra one they had around their house but it is such an improvement on the old one we had. I think I spent almost the whole day on it and my back wasn’t throbbing near as much as before. Glenda also cleaned the house good for me. It needed it really bad since I had not been able to do a great job this fall not only because of working but our vaccuum had broken and we had only gotten a new one right before the surgery. Norm had cleaned it once but he’s been really busy helping me with every day care. It needed a good thorough fall cleaning anyway and Glenda did a great job on it.
Nicole is anxious to get decorating for Christmas. Norm had told her that would be her job this year since it was out for me. She also wants to bake cookies. We usually baked cookies over Thanksgiving vacation and I was feeling bad because they couldn’t have that fun this year. I think Nicole is deturmined she’s going to do it anyway.
It’s just been really hard today thinking about one’s mortality. I keep thinking about my aunt and I know she was a lot sicker I am by now but I am trying to stay away from internet sites about it because reading about worst case scenerios is just scary. I want to return to work. I want life to get back to normal. I want to look forward to seeing my kids play sports this spring or watching Nicole in the spring musical because I sounds promising that she will get a good part because of how well she projects her voice.
When I asked the doctor if I could do activities or stay away from people to avoid sickness he looked at me and said, “Go and do what you normally do. Live your life.”
It has been hard to be the center of attention because my introverted self never liked being there but it does feel good to know that people care about you.